Tis the season

So I was feeling a little Bah Humbug yesterday... I sent out a mass department wide Hallmark e-card for the holidays...yes for the "holiday" not Christmas despite the fact that I know the one Jewish person I work with doesn't care and welcomes any holiday wishes regardless... and I got scolded and had a reprimand placed in my file for it! Can you believe that?!?! Apparently my supervisor can send out the Ben Stein CBS letter about the holidays and the horrible woman that works on my shift can send something at least once a month about some stupid thing but I can't send an e-card wishing my co-workers a happy holiday. Seriously??! I have been doing that for years. WTF?
I was so upset this morning I cried. I know it is dumb to cry but it is just so crushing to be treated like such a robot, a crappy robot at that. Thank you Supervisors for breaking my spirit.

I am uber close to my pre-baby weight and I can't wait to start working out again. I physically can work out but if I do I have issues nursing and I would never get sleep. On the days that I work Jackson is at daycare with Jon until about 1545 hours which would give me plenty of time to work out BUT I have to get up and pump every three hours begining with 0900 (just a short 2 hours after when I fall asleep). Therefore I am so tired every day that I normally sleep until 1430-1500 in order to at least get 6 - 6.5 hours of sleep even if they are only in 2 hour blocks. I miss being a little smaller and less squishy but breastfeeding and sleep are WAY more important to me for the time being. Maybe once Jackson is 6 months it will be better.

Jackson is getting so old and so big. He is just amazing. He will be 5 months on Monday. I can't believe how old he is. It really feels just like yesterday I was preggo. It went so fast. I am trying to enjoy every moment good and bad as it comes because I know it is not going to slow down any time soon.

I applied for two new jobs recently. I would really hope I could get one of them. The both are on the clerical end of things but both would be for some form of law enforcement agency. I would hope having a 4 year degree would help but who knows these days with so many people applying for jobs. I am trying to be picky because if I leave where I am at I want to stay where ever I go but at the same point I don't know how much longer I can stand to be picky. So wish me luck and hopefully by this time next year I can be writing this from another position.

Bigger Every Day

I am pretty excited because Jackson had his 4 month check up yesterday and he is growing like a weed! He is now just shy of 15 pounds and he is a long and lean 26 inches. I can't believe how lucky I am to be his mommy.
Today we danced and sang to Christmas music and Neil Diamond. So far he had mommy's taste in music. He does best to Neil Diamond, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, Johnny Cash, and Cher...yeah the Cher part worries me but he knows what he likes.

At bedtime we have been playing hemisync music in the bedroom and so far we all have been sleeping deeper and better at night. Which is especially great for me being I flop back and forth between day shift and night shift so much.

Munchkin's cold is also gone! I am sure it is only temporary before he gets another one but I will still take it for the time being.

Jon is half way through his P90X routine. He looks great, I wish I had his dedication. I really love working out but have given up on it. I just don't have time. The days I work I get up every 3 hours for 20 minutes to pump so I don't get the most restful sleep so I figure it is better to be rested then going to the gym. When the boys get home I only have 3 hours with them before I go to work so I don't want to waste that time not with them. Sure it is 3 hours but 1 of those is Jon's work out, then there is dinner, and getting ready for work (washing up, makeup, packing a lunch, and getting the uniform ready) Then on the days when I am off work I am on a dayshift like schedule so I try to catch up on sleep and spend some snuggle time with Jon.
I figure once I am done breastfeeding I can go back to working out because I won't have such screwy sleep schedule. If only life had an easy button once and a while. I want to at least continue to breastfed Jackson until he is 6 months.

New Vacuum - I am in love with an Oreck and I don't care who knows it

Okay so my vacuum died about a week ago and living with two fluffy dogs makes it tough to not have one. We luckily have hardwood floors upstairs (aside from the rugs) and have a small dust buster like vacuum but it makes it tough to not be able to put Jackson on the floor and crawl around until I can get things cleaner.

I have seen these commercials for the Oreck vacuums forever...working nights there is not much on. :-) A woman at my work even had an Oreck party (I guess like a Mary Kay party) but I couldn't go.

Now one of the blogs I read (www.trying2staycalm) is having a giveaway but I never know if those are too good to be true...I am blessed with my family but I am unlucky when it comes to winning things so wish me luck.

On the note of cleaning carpets...I need to rent a carpet cleaner for the basement. Since we have moved in I cannot count how many people have spilled drinks down there. Seriously I should hand out sippy cups to my male guests -- or maybe Jackson's bottles. I just don't want to put the little guy down if the carpet isn't clean. Yish!

Babies, Christmas, and more

So we finally paid for Jackson's 3 month pictures and they should be mailed out tomorrow. YAH! I can't wait to get them, they turned out really well. Though I didn't really have the money for them, they were a good investment. He will only be my little baby once.
Ah, Christmas is almost here and I am thrilled. I love Christmas, we already have our tree up. Jon and I put a $50 limit on each other and $20 for the family. My family gifts are already done or at least thought of but I don't know what to get for Jon. Any ideas? I know I am going to get him a scarf, he wants one to go with his nice new coat.

So I am not sure if I quite know what I am doing on here yet. I know how to write and post a blog, I know how to search one via google but I don't really get how people can find each other's blogs. If I am blogging along and no one is following me then am I really blogging? :-) Okay but really how do I do that. Anyone?

Blog Give Aways

I am uber into checking out blogs with giveaways these days. I am not sure if they will work but I am persistant if anything. Being a frugal momma I am into anything that can save me money and still provide awesome stuff for my family.

I like to go to bloggiveaways.blogspot.com and http://www.alexandersplayroom.com/all-baby-diaper-cakes.html

The above one lists lots of give aways and the 2nd one is for a Winnie the Pooh diaper cake. I LOVE this diaper cake it is so cute. I never knew what they were until Jackson was being hatched and boy are they cute.

My open letter to Cuisinart, Boppy, Medela, Craftsman, and Pyrex

Dear Cuisinart, Boppy, Medela, Craftsman, and Pyrex,

Thank you for being awesome! It is a wonder where I was without you previously in my life.

Cuisinart~ I LOVE my little food processor. If only I had got one sooner than this year. You are the perfect little addition to my kitchen and hopefully I will have a immersion blender to go along with you. Though I wish you were the bigger model to accomadate more food I still love you. (though I do need to learn how to "slice" things ... so far I see the ability to on the directions but I haven't been able to do anything but grate and chop)


Boppy~ Oh what a wonderful mother's little helper you are. I remember the old days of trying to feed my nieces and nephews and cousins without you and it was no fun. You are a breast feeding mom's best friend.


Medela~ Is there anything you don't make that is related to babies? Your Pump in Style Advanced breast pump is awesome (though I need to have it looked at because it is making a swoosh sound-how do I do that? Anyone know?). You even made the billirubin bed that my son stayed in for a while. Your products are all so handy and have really made breastfeeding easier.


Craftsman~ I just bought my first official power tool of my own this past Black Friday! I waited in line at Sears to buy your random orbital sander. What a great deal and a wonderful tool. I can't wait for spring so I can start some of my furniture resurfacing projects.

Pyrex~ Oh Pyrex for so long you were out of my reach...you see I have champagne taste on a beer budget! So extra things like Pyrex were out of the question. However, to my suprise there was an AMAZING deal on Black Friday this year at Walmart. Yep I braved the craziness of Walmart and waited for 45 minutes in line to check out so I could buy your cookware and I couldn't be happier with it. No smelly foods smell after use, it cleans easy, it is the perfect size for my husband and I... Oh how I love you.

My little peanut

So I believe the last time I blogged I was newly preggo. Well time has flown and my Jackson will be 4 months on Monday. Can you believe it? He is already 4 months old. He is truly amazing. We just recently had his 3 month pictures done and they turned out so amazing. I really have to stop procrastinating and order my cd from them. I highly recommend them if you live in MN. Check their website out at www.heritagephotographyinc.com

So mommyhood has been interesting. I absolutely love it!!! But it has been an uphill battle on somethings. For one the hospital was not very good about helping me learn how to breastfeed. Yes I said learn...because silly naive me thought it would be uber easy, I mean it is the reason we have boobs right? WRONG. It was really tough to learn and because of Jackson's time in his light box the first few days (because of his jaundice) and my lack of knowing what to do I never established a good supply and we have been struggling through. I thank goodness for finally checking in with a lactation consultant who has really really really helped. It now is no longer a scary and frustrating thing for Jackson and I. I just wish I would have done it sooner. I felt ashamed of not knowing what to do so I didn't seek help sooner but I was so wrong. It was nothing I did and there was NO shame in getting help, those ladies were my angels.

Trying to balance our budget has been another struggle. I went without pay for 4 weeks after my vacation and sick time dried up. I have only had 2 paychecks since and they have poofed away faster than you can say "poof". Now my husband who was really pushing for two kids close in age (like 16-24 months) now is saying "no way no how not in this house". We get by in the house but it was at the top of our budget, however, at that time the other houses in our budget were no where near as nice and though we could have saved 10-40 thousand BUT those houses would have easily needed tons of work (like new roofs, windows, furnaces, ac, water heaters and so on because they were all 50+years old and most had the older stuff to go with it). The house we bought two years ago this month had a new water heater, new furnace, new ac, all new electrical outlets, new can lights in all the main rooms, and new egress windows in the completely finished basement. How could we turn that down for what would only have been a difference of $240 a month. Sure that is $240 but how much would that new furnace have cost? Get my drift?

So anyway Jon is now against having any more babies which makes me sad. I know money is tight now but there will never be enough and I guess deep down I know that I hardly see my little guy on the days I work anyway. Really I am just hoping I find a new and better paying job in the next year or so. However, with how tough the job market is I am scared. I have been applying for jobs and have had no luck. Which is so disappointing being I have a Bachelor's degree, several years of experience in Security/Law Enforcement and office work. Ugh, I don't want to just apply anywhere because I want it to be somewhere that I like and can stay at for a long time.

Until then I am always looking for ways to save money without sacrificing family time. Like getting a 2nd job isn't an option, as it is I only see Jon and Jackson for 3 hours on the days I work. :-( We really don't have much to cut out, we only have our cars and mortgage and necessary utilities like electric, gas, water, garbage, and food...oh wait we do pay $17 a month for netflicks but we do need some fun right? Luckily my jeep is just about paid of so that will be awesome, then I can put that money towards paying the remaining bit of medical bills from when Jackson was born.

Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I am so excited. I am making Butternut Squash Lasagna!! We are going over to my aunt's house to have a nice lunch with my family. It should be fun because lots of my family have not seen Jackson yet or at least not in a while. (sad I know especially being he is 4 months!)

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. Despite all the ups and downs of this year I am still so thankful for my life.

Amazing

It's weird sometimes how you can look down at your own hands and they almost don't even seem like your own. Like they are someone elses hands, different in a way that you weren't expecting.
I guess it is the same about anything. Frequently I look at my life and I am in awe of where I am. It is not that I am unhappy about everything it just wasn't what I had hoped and thought it would be. Though I believe in things happening for reason and I guess if other things wouldn't have happened I wouldn't be in my house, with my husband, or with our little one on the way.
It is just not what you imagine sometimes and I wonder if I could change things. In the end though I am happy with Jon and the baby, we have a great little house with plenty of projects to keep us busy, and two of the greatest dogs ever. Mostly it is just me and my job that make me sad. I wonder if I could be a better person and how. I wonder if I am a good person.
Mostly this comes from frustration with my job. I wanted so much for myself and yet nothing seems to have come through. I know it was mostly from my DWI and my own fear but then my heart gets the best of me and I just doubt myself all around.
With the little one on the way I just wish I was more and I had more to offer. The economy is such junk I am scared to apply anywhere. Though I did apply at Jon's work but we will see what happens. It would be fantastic but I am not getting my hopes up. I guess we will just have to see.

Cold as ice

Bananas it is super cold out tonight. Ugh so I have been super tired lately however, with how cold it is outside I am not really feeling like I missed anything. It is probably also good being we are trying to pay off our new laptop. Once we found out about the pregnancy Jon and I sat down and made a list of things that we wanted to buy before we no longer had money for anything. Jon wanted a new laptop (he is a techno snob so it had to be this bells and whistles type), we both wanted a new camera and small little flat panel tv for our bedroom, and I wanted living room furniture that matches. So far we got our new tv and laptop and have paid off the tv with the sale of our old two computers! Now we are just selling off some other stuff to put money towards the laptop.
The new laptop is nice, Jon gets way more use out of all the features than I do but whatever makes him happy. I am just happy that now we have a faster computer to get my Zune working and better music on my shuffle.